female empowerment takes a leap - and goes splat!

just when i didn’t think things could get worse. it all started with survivor. then you had the influx of shows like big brother, the mole, who wants to marry a millionaire, joe millionaire, american idol, the bachelor, the bachelorette, for love or money, and then the vh1’s-"where-are-they-now"-celebrity versions of some of those shows. gah. i am not a reality-tv show person. i watched the occasional episode of survivor, and even a little of for love or money 2 because i knew one of the guys on there. not even american idol, which a lot of my friends still watch religiously.

now, oh now. buh-bye women’s lib. fox, always the one to push the envelope of good taste (and often ripping it wide open), brings us a new reality tv show, the swan. from what i can tell, they take these dowdy ugly ducklings and turn them into ravishing bombshells via (and i quote) "extensive cosmetic surgery, counselling, dental work and physical training". EXTENSIVE cosmetic surgery. the winner "underwent a nose job, lip enhancement, chin implant, brow lift, breast lift, liposuction and major dental reconstruction". how are we ordinary women supposed to compete with these barbie dolls? oh, and the best bit – they end up competing in a beauty pageant. i wonder if there is a category for the most cellulite removed…

i suppose this sounds a bit bitter, but really, it’s not (okay, maybe it is a little). it’s just that in an era in which we are supposed to be encouraging young girls to embrace their natural beauty, here is a show which highlights all of the imperfections of women. it’s not really as if we need help. bombarded from infancy via every form of media with the image of the perfect, anorexic-thin female, it's no wonder that the average woman feels insecure about her appearance. i admit that i constantly struggle with exercise and diet in order to attain that unrealistic fashion-magazine ideal. if i had a troupe of hairdressers, fashion stylists, and make-up artists following me around, i am sure that even i could be the next beauty queen. but, i do not. even so, i have a fine rack (if i say so myself), am not overweight, and occasionally my hair will behave itself. on those days, i feel (gasp!) pretty.

all ranting aside, i think a major appeal (it was a "ratings hit") of the show is that we all wonder what we could look like with such a makeover. this way, instead of going to such extremes for ourselves, we have the morbid curiosity of watching other people do it. even i would be interested in seeing the "before" and "after" pictures.

a friend brought up the point that they should have a beauty pageant between the made-over women and "natural" women. i just think that the beauty pageant idea at the end is horrible, period. it's basically telling the women who didn't win that even though they were made over and are prettier now, it's still not good enough. and if they were to lose against women who didn't have anything done? that even an extensive make-over can't overcome their natural homeliness.

at least i am not a giraffe

yesterday i had an interesting talk with a friend about dating and all. he was surprised that in the us, many couples come from university. (which begs the question, where do couples in the uk meet, if not at university?) afterwards, there's the bar/club scene, and generally, it's difficult to tell the snakes from the good guys there. furthermore, i am not into that so i don't think that going out just to meet someone is smart because that is not a shared interest, and therefore not a good start to the relationship. isn't it supposed to be when you're not looking that prince charming falls into your lap? so, hello, paging prince charming! grr...

i read this article the other day - the one that is linked off of the title - and the lady was talking about making yourself available. that prince charming is not going to just fall into your lap. well, there goes my plan. that the problem may not be that you can't find prince charming, it may be that he can't find you (like emily, i am addicted to the excessive use of italics). so it made me wonder just how much i am sabotaging myself. i am hestitant to meet new people, go out, or put myself forward in any respect. i would much rather stay home and watch a movie than go out to a party where i do not know anyone, or very few people. when i do first meet people, i am not very open. if it is a passing acquantance (as on a plane ride or similar), then i feel that they do not need to know details such as my life story, how many brothers and sisters i have, where i work, what i'm doing in europe, my name... hmmm, i really am a cold-hearted bitch aren't i? amazing that i have as many friends as i do. and it is certainly not conducive to a healthy love life, as i am living proof.

for example, last night. i was supposed to meet a bunch of other interns from work who get together every week. i ended up not leaving work until late, and when i arrived at the meeting place, they were all gone. and i didn't really care all that much. it would have been nice to meet other young people, but oh well. i did hear that one of them is pretty hot, so maybe i will have to go for sure next time. hmmm...

speaking of hotness, i saw the hottest guy yesterday that i've seen in a long time. well the hottest that is not my friend (that should take care of any nasty emails). i was tempted to step in front of his bike so he would run into me, but he was going pretty fast and i would probably have ended up with nothing more than a set of bruises (including my too-fragile ego) for my trouble.

warning! random subject change! my eyebrows are becoming ragged. they definitely need to be plucked. i hate plucking eyebrows, but unfotunately, mother nature gifted me with a set of very hirsute caterpillars stationed above my eyes. and my contacts are bothering me today - again - so my eyes are red. oh, what a pretty picture i am painting of myself, eh? a scary fat lady in a thong with a monobrow and bloodshot eyes. and i wonder about my love life! ha ha.

free personality analysis

a friend of mine posted this link on her website (you have to click the title; that is what the little lighthouse thingy means). i think it should be a requirement for everyone. who says so? me. that should be good enough for you suckers. anyway, yeah, i tried it out. here is what it said about me:


Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Pseudo-intellectual

You're liberal and consider yourself to be laid back and open minded. Everyone else just thinks you're clueless. Your friends hate you because you always email them virus warnings and chain letters "just in case it's true." All people who drink grande chai are potheads.

Also drinks: Sparkling water
Can also be found at: Designer grocery stores

hmph. pseudo-intellectual. grr. what's that supposed to mean? that i am not going to win the nobel prize? i wasn't exaclty expecting to, anyway, so no real heartache. or does it mean that i'm not even smart enough to avoid walking into doors? okay, well, it does have a point there. some of it is true, i suppose - i do like to consider myself open minded. i am also very laid back...if "laid back" really means "moody". and how did it know about the pothead part? kidding.

i don't, however, send chain letters. furthermore, i abhor receiving them. i am always, ALWAYS the one who breaks them. unless i think they are funny, in which case i do send them on, but only after deleting the "forward this if you don't want to die a horrid death from being hung out the window by your toenails" caveat. and i do like sparkling water. i also like horses, and purple (but not necessarily purple horses, unless they're "my little ponies"), and the outdoors, and skiing, and moonlit walks on the beach, and red wine, and... um, sorry, a little carried away there. but still, the oracle didn't mention any of those things. what is the world coming to when an evil inanimate object can't accurately describe your personality?

watch where you step

obviously i am playing around with names for this blog. the ones that i like best are: big adventures in a small world, an accidental life, or something along the lines of confessions of a confused mind. i think that all of those describe me a little. i am trying to be witty, which i am often not. although, i think i have been doing better lately, likely due to the influence of my friends s and k and yes, that means you. i know you read this and hopefully you know who you are. i accept suggestions.

so they are detonating a bomb here today. nice. i am not allowed to go outside right now because of it. they found it onsite during construction. i think that is worthy to go in both blogs, for those of you who read both, in case you are wondering.

when i was in vimy, there were areas roped off with sheep grazing on them. they were full of undetonated bombs and mines and the sheep were less likely to set them off than lawnmowers. people in europe live with this kind of stuff everyday. food for thought.

i just thought of something else that the title could mean. i wrote it in reference to the bombs, but it is also valid in that with all of the dog crap on the sidewalks (more in france than germany), one really does have to watch where one is going.

in all actuality, i am not who you think i am

apparently there are people out there who read this thing, amazingly enough. don't you have anything better to do? but then i guess it could be argued, don't i? and the answer is: yes, actually. but i feel like writing stuff, so i will write stuff. i like that i can be more random here and say whatever i feel like saying.

i was going to write this long drawn out rant about thongs. i wore one for the first time ever on tuesday, and it was damn uncomfortable. but, i needed it because of the pants i wore. i still think that they were invented by the same person who managed to convince women that we need to wear make-up, high heels, and nylons and is the direct descendant of the man who thought that corsets were a good idea. i say man because women would never be this stupid. but i guess we are - we're wearing these things, aren't we? i wear high heels and stockings and make-up (rarely, but i still do). and so i bought into the whole idea of thongs making a woman sexy. i mean, most guys i know drool over the very concept of a hot girl in a thong, maybe in low-cut jeans with it peeping out over the top. well, i wanted to be a hot girl in a thong, and as far as i knew, i only satisified #2. i had hoped that maybe getting one would help me achieve all three, but tuesday's incident served to only fulfill #2 and 3 - a girl in a thong. hmph. it was NOT comfortable, and was definitely NOT sexy by any stretch of the imagination.

yeah, okay i guess that did turn into a sort of mini rant. but it was not my original rant, and in fact, i tried wearing one again on thursday (yes, i own more pants with which it is necessary to wear a thong as panty lines were visible, even with the ones that were supposed to be invisible) and it was a little better. so, i am willing to give these things a shot. i am even willing to admit that they do serve a purpose. and i must say that they do make my bum look rather good in the pants. happy ending. sort of. still need to work on the sexy bit, though...

i know what you came for | and i know when you'll leave

i know, wow, two posts in three days. but this is definitely a rant, i'm in a foul mood, and i don't want to put it on my other blog for fear of questions i don't want to answer. so don't ask. because i won't answer.

first, i got a ticket yesterday on the tram. one freakin' stop from my house. in strasbourg, they would round up the people and take them off the tram and write them tickets there. in germany, no. they make you stay on the tram and write you a ticket. so i had to stay on three stops past mine. i was so upset that i didn't even wait for a tram back but walked home instead. every single stinkin' day i've had my pass, but of course, the one day i forget it, that's when they're there. boo. but fortunately i didn't have to pay on the spot and maybe i won't have to pay at all. i have to go to the central station and take my student id and pass and everything and the ticket and see if i have to pay. hopefully not. that would be good. also, it is on my way home so the hassle is minimized. but it is still a hassle that i do not need. and if i have to pay, it is a 40€ fine. i can think of a lot of better things to do with 40€.

second, a person for whom i care deeply hurt me very badly a couple of months ago. i was so upset that i couldn't talk to this person for a while. even though we got over it and things were better than ever, there were still instances that brought it all back, even though this person wasn't doing anything technically wrong. it is like a wound that you thought was pretty well healed, only to discover not as much as you thought and can still cause you occasional and severe pain when accidentally banged into a wall, or something, and you try to hide it because you feel so stupid for being so dumb. exactly how i feel. i bang it into a lot of walls.

i never talked about it because it is rather ridiculous. i try to hide it for the same reason, but every now and then it would just get to be too much and it would boil over the top. part if it is that i am not a person with very high self-esteem; a failing on my side that i am working on. part of it is that my relationship with this person was so tenuous that i never really knew where i stood. and part of it is that my trust, once shaken, is really hard to regain. so i was always unsure and never felt quite comfortable with the situation, even though, based on the reparations made which were above and beyond what was called for (and of which i am v. appreciative), deep-down i knew there was nothing to worry about.

still, it always seemed that the instances kept happening. and this morning, another. indirectly, and from thousands of miles away. but it was enough. basically, this person shared some information with a particular person, and not with me, and i found out about it this morning. it's very minor, inconsequential really, but the main issue is with whom it was shared. anyone but that person. and also that it wasn't shared with me. and that is how it always was, little little things, and with anyone else, i wouldn't care. i knew i was (and am) being silly, but really, was it necessary that it happened so often?

aarrrggghhh. i hate that i feel this way. but, i guess that we cannot really control how we feel, we can only control what we do. so, i try to keep a lid on it so everyone else doesn't see how stupid i am. sometimes, a little leaks through, but i hope not too much and not too often. and getting it out here helps, as well. i just hope that i was vague enough that even in the unlikely event that the people involved read it, they may not know who they are or what the heck i am talking about. and if you are and do, then, well, please just ignore me. it is something that i have to get it out and as you can see, i cannot share it with anyone. noone would understand and the only response would be that I am being stupid and silly, which i already know, thank you very much.

third, i am having a bad hair day.

fourth, i am on the rag (you really wanted to know, didn't you?) so i am more cranky than usual.

fifth, people smoke way too damn much over here. and i thought that the french were bad. they're nothing compared to germans. should i die of lung cancer, i'll know exactly where i got it.

sixth, i'm hungry.

seventh, i can't really think of a seventh, but i like the number seven and wanted there to be seven items.

words are very unnecessary | they can only do harm

i know i haven't posted, but noone reads it and i just did it because of the mss one, anyway, and hopefully maybe to get g-mail. that would be awesome. a whole gig of memory. also i can really say what i want, post when i want (like every two months ;), rant if I want, and not worry about offending people or getting mass e-mails when they think i'm depressed. which, for the record, i am not. although it is an intriguing way of getting people to e-mail me more often. hmm... okay i am not that devious.

well if anyone should stumble across this i guess i should make it somewhat interesting. except that i don't think that i'm that interesting. for starters, in case you the faceless reader should care, the name of this blog is also my dog's name which is taken from the last name of my favorite character from my favorite book. if you know who it is and the book, nice. gold star for you. if not, then well, deal because i'm not going to say what it is. more fun that way. i'm just impressed that noone else has taken it. usually a name i want is taken and i end up with something dumb like bennet47295.

i have a headache today from staring at the computer screen. i hate reading manuals. but i have to and i just hope that i can remember all that i'm reading because my mind keeps wandering. not that it's that hard to distract me. i think i have undiagnosed add.

philosophical thought for the day: i often wonder what it would have been like if i had done what i thought i would, which is not this, working in the space industry. i never thought about it. certainly never thought i would be in germany. i thought that maybe i would be a park ranger working at tahoe. instead, i am an engineer with a desk job and i have a friend who is a park ranger at yosemite. weird how life is. i like my life and am happy and don't want to change it, but still, i wonder...