if i go crazy, then will you still call me superman?

so this thing is turning into a diatribe against my continuing (and mostly self-imposed) singleness. despite appearances, i do not spend all day obsessing about men and how to attract the ones i want (like buying frilly underwear; which does not really attract them because they will only see the lingerie long after they have been lured in, um, i mean succumbed to my other numerous charms). no, really, that only constitutes 95% of my waking hours. the rest i spend working frantically in order to produce enough so that it looks like i was working the whole time. devious me.

anyway, as you, the observant reader, may have guessed, despite my over-exuberant use of commas, this is yet another entry about none other than...boys. but don't blame me, blame my subconscious. and some guy named charlie whom i met in the chicago airport near the end of september.

see, this is how it goes. last night i had a dream in which i met a really great guy named john. i liked him a lot, and he liked me. he was very tall, had short shaggy blond hair (the kind that looks nice combed or messed up), was fit, handsome, dressed casually, witty, had a good sense of adventure, and a mischevious twinkle in his blue/hazel eyes. i don't remember much else about his personality because about all we did in my dream was make out. repressed feelings, anyone? apparently, i have enough to go around.

it was a nice dream. and i was sorry to wake up to realize that alas, john did not, in fact, exist. but this airport guy does. i met him this past september when flying to atlanta for a wedding. he started talking to me while waiting for the airport terminal shuttle. we only had about 40 minutes, but i can tell if i click with a guy or not, and there was definite clickage. he was really cool (not to mention easy on the eyes) and funny. if we had lived in the same area and he had asked me out, i would have said yes in a second. i wish i could have had a chance to know him better. he said he worked for the epa or some other environmental agency in dc. i gave him my business card, told him i would be in europe for a year, but i could be contacted by e-mail. he never did write. that is how it goes; que sera, sera.

i sometimes wonder if i do really want to be in a relationship. i am not sure. i feel like that sara evans song, "keep looking": just as soon as i get what i want | i get unsatisfied | hey good is good but could be better. will i always wonder is this the one? maybe when i do find the one, i will know. i don't expect it to be love at first sight or anything, but it does have to be someone i click with. then there would have to be interest in taking it further to see just how much we suit each other, to the point where perhaps love does happen and then one day, i look at the other person and realize, with calm finality, that he is, indeed, the one. i am not looking for perfection, but i will settle for nothing less than my perfect compliment. ah, ye lucky few. hopefully, i will be counted among that number.

devil in a blue dress

i am either suffering from report-block or am mindnumbingly under-motivated. you choose. regardless, it apears that an update to my lesser known but apparently more popular blog is in order. lucky you.

this post, i must warn you, is about undies. and frilly ones at that. i used to have very utilitarian underclothes. i still do, but there have been some recent additions. on saturday, my roomie and i went shopping and i bought loads of girly things. fun, froufy, even downright sexy lingerie. as well as another bikini. heaven forbid. this means that for my three-week gallivanting tour around southern europe in late august, my beachwear consists of two bikinis. better watch those sausages if i don't want to scare off the local wildlife! on the other hand, good way to ensure privacy on the beach. ;)

what has europe done to me?? i am not sure people back home will recognize me. not that i am going to prance around in nothing but my new fancy shmancy underwear (get your mind out of the gutter, mr. s.h., you dirty whore), but my heretofore plain jane wardrobe has also been updated. i am now the proud owner of nice, dressy, going-out clothes perfect for a dinner date, night on the town, and such. hmmm, that does involve finding dates, and therein lies the problem; rather hard to meet people in my home city. however, no dating also means no chance of anyone but me seeing the frilly new underthings for a good long time. c'est la vie.

if ever i didst findeth a worthy male... =)

my name is fish

i wrote the title of the last blog entry (don't read this if your name starts with a triangle) to be funny, because who's name starts with a symbol (okay, except for prince)? well, as it turns out, mine starts with a fish. and no, i am not the child of a celebrity. msn discovery kids lets you write things in egyptian. ah, the rosetta stone at work.

sunday is fourth of july, celebrating 228 years of independance. go usa. i love the barbeque and fireworks, but the best part is being with people. the most depressing fourth of july is spending it alone, which i have done. (sentimental alert) personally, i think that this, not valentine's day, is the most romantic holiday. not that i have ever spent it with anyone, but it seems like it would be. two people, cuddling on a blanket together, maybe some wine, and the fireworks exploding overhead in brilliant colors. either alone, or surrounded by other people; there is just something magical about it that stirs me deep inside and i always wish that i had someone to share it with. i actually think that new year's is quite romantic, as well, for the same reason. however, i do not want to be proposed to at either event. let's just enjoy the night and enjoy being with each other. the proposal should be followed by its own fireworks.

the best firework show, i must say, was not on the fourth, but rather the display i saw a month ago on sword beach in normandy. my favorite fireworks are the bright gold ones that fizzle as they fall back to earth, and the ones that don't do much at first but then suddenly shimmer after expanding.