the kingdom of heaven is not built on selfishness

Sometimes I think of myself as philosophical, sometimes I think I'm quite shallow. I like pretty things and I notice how people look and what they wear and I get bored with the news and have a hard time thinking of the Big Issues like Immigration and Abortion and Stem Cells and all that because I'm not exactly sure where I stand on all of that. It's hard and I shouldn't have to worry my pretty little head about that kind of stuff.

But then, then I read something small and seemingly insignificant and it gets to me and I can't let it go. Like a book I just finished and I'm not going to say because saying would cheapen the feeling, I think. If that makes sense. It's about a boy and a girl, 12-13 years old, who go through a rite of passage - spritual, mental, physical, emotional. And it turns out that they are the loves of each other's life. The fact that they fell in love is not that surprising with all that they've been through. That's not what gets me, but rather the passion and force behind their feelings, the understanding that they have of each other and the world around them, and with that understanding, the realization of their responsibilities and knowledge that they cannot be together as they live in separate worlds and neither could survive long outside their own and while each was willing to give up their world and life to live with the other for the short time they could be together, the other would not have that.

They saw it as an act of selfishness, putting what they wanted above what was right and good and negating all that they had come through. It was the ultimate sacrifice. I am not doing a good job of explaining this, and even thinking about it, I don't know why it has such a hold of me, but it does. Part of it is that the author hinted at the separation through the use of poignant flashbacks before it was made clear exactly what was going to happen, so that by the time the separation became inevitable, the importance of the event was doubly emphasized.

One always wants the hero and heroine to end up together. Being a total hopeless romantic, I hate books that don't end that way, but sometimes, as in this case, I love them, too. It gets under my skin the way a happy ending wouldn't, and makes me think and feel and hope and wish and want to be a better person. To meet the love of your life at 13 and know that that is very likely it and yet be able to give it up because it is the right thing to do - I am not sure that I could be that strong or that selfless, but a book like this, it makes me think that maybe I could.

Call it silly, romantic, pathetic, childish, whatever. It is a young adult fantasy book, after all. I don't care. I can't help it. There you have it; make of it what you will.